Peace in the Chaos

As like every mother I know- and frankly every woman, I find myself questioning the choices and decisions made for our family. A friend and I often refer to many of these internal parenting struggles as ‘Mommy Guilt’ (I know all you Moms out there – and Dads too, know EXACTLY what I’m referring to).

Life in the country brings extra challenges- most of which I was aware of, but perhaps not fully prepared for. There is quite a bit of time that needs to be invested that corresponds to all the projects, maintenance and general upkeep needed- time that I don’t get to spend playing/teaching/learning from my boys. And then starts the ‘Mommy Guilt’. I recently was very inquisitive if all the work, unknowns and hefty mortgage payments was worth the guilt. But then when you aren’t looking- you find those magical moments that melt away your guilt and you wonder why you ever considered having it any other way.

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My most recent ‘moment’ encircled the lawn… or in our case, a lush clover and dandelion covering laced with mole mounds and pig weed that takes a considerable amount of time to cut. We have 2 options, the ride on mower that does not turn on a dime or the push mower. The obvious choice would be the ride on- however consideration must be made to the 2 small tractor obsessed littles that reside here. And a lawn tractor is well… a tractor, especially in my boys eyes. So one must be prepared to balance a child on each leg whilst weaving in and around spruce trees, toys and ditches (I can assure you that it is not as easy as it would seem). I personally opt for the push mower- not only does it substantially decrease trim time, but the boys get in line with their ‘bubble mowers’ and we now have ourselves a convoy that generally lasts until someone gets hungry! In our earlier years, I used to wrap Cooperoo up on my back and power through- he’d snooze to the hum of the lawnmower and I power walked as a sweaty mess in a half decent workout.

A priority for me- even long before moving out here, is to have a vegetable garden and grow as much of my own produce that our seasons would allow. Apart from the fascination with dirt (I may or may not currently have a small city being constructed through my dill), Max has always had an interest in caring for the plants and more importantly, the harvesting of the vegetables. He gets so focused when he’s in the garden – often just by himself. I’ll be making breakfast and he excitedly comes charging in to show me all the wonderful vegetables he picked that are ready (he’s still young, so ‘ready’ is a topic of interpretation). We’ve really developed a deeper, silent bond between the rows of dirt – a relationship that was built on love, but now expanding to a shared passion. And Cooper- lets just say he’s really good at building roads.

So as our adventures and chaos continue to unfold- I’m learning how to find the peace in the midst of it all. I get to be taught by my children where to find joy in the busy, when to acknowledge- then also let go of that ‘Mommy Guilt’ and most importantly how precious our time together really is. And somedays we just need to stop it all and play in the mud.

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